“The grass is always greener on the other side?”

From a young age we grow up hearing stories of Prince and Princesses or we read about Superhero’s. More recently children are watching ‘celebrities’ on the TV. If you ask a child who they want to be when they grow up, you’ll more than likely hear them say: “I want to be ………..” and its sure to be one of these.

No! When you grow up be yourself! Of course, we should allow children their fantasy’s and imagination but we should also and encourage their talents, so that they can use these in the best way they can.

My Nan used to say often as I was growing up, “She/he is always trying to keep up with the Jones’.” For me now this phrase has a whole new meaning because I became a Jones after I got married! Any takers for my life? ………………… Didn’t think so!

Why is it that we always seem to want what others have? I often find myself saying to my children [when new gadgets come out], exactly what my mother said to us growing up and that’s, “wait six months it’ll be cheaper” it always is. For the last few years my children have kept going on about us having a slim flat screen TV but I resisted because there was nothing wrong with the old one we had. Why was I going to throw it away? Now we have a slim flat screen TV but that’s because it  was given by a family member. Our old one is going to find a home with someone who has nothing.

Why is it that some people feel the need to try to be someone else? That’s not to say we shouldn’t aspire to want more from life  and use others as a role model, because we should. The saddest thing is when people are so unhappy or dissatisfied  with themselves and what they’re doing in life. They feel the need to want to be someone else or are not authentic in what they do. Happiness starts with being authentic and true to yourself and acceptance. We all have talents, something we can give and each one of us is unique. I used to think what others found ‘odd’ about me was a negative. I now realize that what I thought was negative [the fact I get fixed on detail] is in fact a huge strength and everyone needs a detail person on their team!

“If you believe you can or can’t do something, you will prove yourself right!” Cheryl Bass Founder of I Am Woman. This is true, how often do we think of doing something but get put off by others or put off by ourselves because we think we’ll never achieve it? What we shouldn’t do is put things off or look at the what if’s “If you live in what if’s, you miss what is.” Betsy Otter Thompson and you’ll never know your capabilities until you try. If you make a mistake or ‘fail’ you learn a lesson and learning is positive. Failure is success turened inside out. What are you going to do today, tomorrow, next week and this month? Whatever you decide make it something of your own!

Is the grass greener on the other side? I’d say thinking this way says more about the person doing the thinking. It’s an illusion, things in the distance might look wonderful but whenever you go, you’ll find things that are wrong. Whoever you meet, they’ll have issues or problems that they face or have overcome. So instead of trying to be someone else or wish for their things or their lifestyle, remember that what you’re probably asking for is a whole different set of problems.

What we should be is be happy to accept ourselves because “When you allow someone or something to steal your peace – they or it steals your power. So today enjoy yourself, embrace your power and step into the you that you deserve to be!”   Cheryl Bass Founder of I Am Woman

This blog is part of the I Am Woman 30 day blog challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

UK Woman in the Community 2013

I remember getting the email saying that I was one of the national finalists for Woman in the Community. I called my sister who was as amazed as I was but was very proud too. I never imagined that anyone would think me or what I do worthy of consideration. The awards were on June 8th. My good friend Elaine had also been shortlisted as a finalist in a different category, so we decided to travel up to Birmingham together.

For the last seventeen years June 8th has been a significant day in my life. It was the day I got married to my ex-husband and since that failed it didn’t seem lucky. Why would June 8th this year [2013] be any different?

It started out as a sunny day and the drive to Birmingham was pleasant and straightforward. Elaine and I chatted about lots of things music, family, tv, etc including the fact that we were both delighted we’d made it as finalists and how great that was.

The evening itself was great, I met lots of people doing some amazing things and made some connections that will prove positive for my charity HEALS. When it came to the awards I sat there cheering on all the winners and listening to their inspirational stories. When it came to “my” category ‘Woman in the Community’ I sat with Elaine listening to the finalists ……… there were some pretty amazing woman in that category!

And the winner is ………………. me! You what? I sat there initially mind blank, had my name just been called out? “I can’t bloody go up there!” I said. It’s still sinking in now that I actually won!

What does this win, mean? For me it’s good to be recognized for the work I’ve done to date and will continue to do as the Manager of HEALS, a charity reaching out to those in need.

It’s also a recognition of teamwork because no one person can achieve alone and I’ve worked with some fantastic people. I want to use this time and award to inspire others. Everyone can achieve if they believe in themselves and so the challenge for me is to find ways of expressing this to others.

Up and down the UK people are doing amazing things much of which goes unnoticed. Is our motivation to be noticed? It shouldn’t be. For me it’s about sharing this award with those I work with and with those who work for others. My wish would be to inspire those who feel they have no hope, to show them they have and that they can achieve their dreams.

I remember when I became a young single Mum, I felt I had to accept ‘my lot in life’ and because I wasn’t happy with ‘my lot’, I joined the roller-coaster of trying to find happiness and feeling fulfilled in life, like so many others in the same boat. I wouldn’t say I always believe in myself and my confidence can be knocked but I’m learning. Margaret Carter, Chief ‘Excitement’ Officer of Patchwork Foods and Patron of I am Woman says the key to success is “passion, persistence and the ability to keep learning so that you can be the best” and this is very true.

I step out on the next chapter of my life inspired, motivated and with a passion to help others achieve their dreams. Who knows where it will lead? I may not get it right all the time but as Dame Shirley Bassey says “The record shows I took the blows – and did it my way!”

This blog is part of the I Am Woman 30 day blog challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

Success is a journey not the end ………….

What does success mean? Is it about the number of sales a company has, ? the number of companies or partners you work with, how much money is made or raised in a year or how many awards you’ve won? So many questions?

Anyone who said that winning an award wasn’t a confidence boost or didn’t make them feel a sense of achievement  isn’t being honest. The truth is we all like to be recognized for what we do. However, I think it’s important to share success with others and in doing so we inspire them to do the best they can. For me true success is about being honest, authentic and true to oneself. Do what you can and if you need help ask for it because people will understand.

I learnt from an early age that we should care be it people or animals which led me to always being involved in something or other.

My first experience of volunteering was with my sister helping at a summer school [Ty Gwyn] in Cardiff with children who had physical and learning disabilities. I remember one summer returning to find out a child had passed away. Later that evening my sister and I reflected with our parents who told us to think about the happiness that child had felt at the summer school and how we’d been a part of that. We both made it our goal to make sure the children we saw each day had an opportunity to smile.

At college I was involved in raising money for charities. In the community it was helping to set up a mother and toddler group, raising funds to build a community centre and being part of a friendship group for young single parents and later getting involved as an army wife. When I emigrated to England, I soon got involved in lots of different community groups. I’ve also been involved within the social housing sector and in helping families where special educational needs or housing issues needed a helping hand to be solved. 

Having my daughters has put my life into perspective and having Ellie with all her needs has been a reality check. Being a Grandmother, well that’s something else. My girls and boys are my inspiration every day.

On Saturday 8th June 2013, I went to Birmingham with my friend Elaine. We were both finalists for National Awards. For me it was in the Woman in the Community 2013 category. I remember getting the email saying I was a finalist and the first person I shared the news with was my family. Of course they were delighted and were behind me, supporting me and asking people to vote. On the way to Birmingham, Elaine and I were talking about the night ahead and we both agreed that being a finalist was a great achievement. I also recalled how seventeen years earlier on the same date, I’d been getting ready for another big life event, my wedding. Sadly, that part of my life didn’t last and although at the time it ended and I thought my world was over, I realize it created opportunities for me.

Dress check, make-up check, hair check, we were ready to face the night and enjoy ourselves. I remember getting to ‘my’ category. As usual with these events, the nominees were read out [photos on screen] and then “the winner is ……………” Alison Cross-Jones. I sat there, it didn’t register! My friend Elaine was sat there looking puzzled and saying “it’s you! he called your name” and what did I say “I can’t bloody go up there! come with me.” I got on the stage and the sound of silence ……………… nothing …………………….. being me, it didn’t last for long! Us welshie’s certainly know how to talk!

I’m delighted to have won and I’m thankful to those who voted but I also realise that the award doesn’t belong to me alone. In all the work I’ve done in the community, I’ve been lucky enough to have met some incredible people. Some have sadly passed on and I wish that I could share this with them too. 

Someone once said “you must be completely mad for doing what you do for nothing.” How wrong they are! I’m rewarded every day by seeing others achieve, whether that be my children, grandchildren, family, friends, those I work with and those I help. I can tell you there is no greater ‘buzz’ than making a difference to someone’s life. Giving yourself and your time is much more than putting a coin in slot or phoning a TV appeal. It’s about being prepared to go that extra mile. So my award is shared with all those I’ve worked with and helped because without them, I would never have been nominated in the first place

For me success is about seeing others achieve, it always has been and always will be.

“Reach out and touch somebody’s hand, make this world a better place if you can
Take a little time out of your busy day to give encouragement, to someone who’s lost the way or would I be talking to a stone if I asked you to share a problem that’s not your own
we can change things if we start giving …………………… If you see an old friend on the street
and he’s down remember his shoes could fit your feet. Try a little kindness you’ll see it’s something that comes very naturally we can change things if we start giving. Why don’t you
reach out and touch why don’t you reach out and touch somebody’s hand …………………. ” Lyrics by Diana Ross

 

The Challenges of being a parent

I was speaking to a professional the other day who said, being a modern parent was far more difficult than years ago, especially in these changing times. I came away thinking, yes, times are changing but haven’t they always? Is parenting today more difficult than years ago?

Perhaps the biggest difference is the way we live our lives. There seem to be so many more pressures with both parents needing to work, talk about juggling things! Unlike years ago, families tend to go their separate ways. I’ve found it challenging, living away from my grandchildren and I know I’m not alone.

Parenting as a couple is difficult enough but imagine doing it alone. As a single parent I’ve found the juggling at times over whelming but you keep going. Being a parent has been one of the most challenging but rewarding jobs I’ve ever had.

Finding myself on my own again sixteen years ago filled with dread and the green, green grass of home was far behind me! I quite literally had to start over again and although the journey here has been ‘interesting’, I’ve survived. For me the greatest challenge was dealing with the ex-husband. Thankfully, over the years we’ve been able to put aside our personal issues and feelings and parent together even though we’ve both moved on. The journey to this point has been far from easy and putting the emotions and feelings I felt aside was probably the hardest.

I often hear single parents putting the other parent down to their children. When I’ve challenged them about why they’re doing this, the answer’s been “well they need to know he/she has been a …. bleep” or they’ll say “well I’m only being honest”. Of course as a parent you have to be honest with your children but I have always tried to that fairly. I say tried because I’m aware I’ve not always got it right either.

With my children it’s been about them seeing that adults make mistakes but that mistakes made by the other parent doesn’t mean that their loved any less. Neither does is make the other parent a bad person. Who hasn’t made mistakes?

I hear many parents say that they wished their children had come with an instructional manual because life might have been easier, because although we love our children unconditionally, there are times when as parents we could scream!Mix in parenthood with a child with additional needs, then you really are juggling balls while tying your shoe laces at the same time! 

When things get difficult wouldn’t it be great to have ‘Super Nanny’ or ‘Nanny 911’ living in a cupboard under the stairs? At least then you’d have hands on expert advice. For me you can read all the books, take all the advice and it still doesn’t prepare yourself for parenthood.

Today the challenge for parents seems keeping their children as children and not getting caught up the ‘must have it now and blow the cost’ society we seem to be cultivating. Barbara Johnson puts it simply when she says: “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.” This is very true. If I were ask my own daughters what things they remember from when they were young it would be, the flying lesson as a thirteenth birthday present, days at the seaside, a day in London or me going into primary school with a surprise birthday cake. Long after the gadgets have broken or been outgrown the memories remain. It’s about spending time with your children.

Of course for my children our one collective lasting memory is of the greatest girl band never discovered ……. me and my girls, hairbrushes in hand! We even created our own actions to dance to! The passes of time have now unfortunately split the band! However at birthdays, weddings, etc the band does reform!

“If you need me, call me no matter where you are no matter how far. Just call my name and I’ll be there in a hurry, on that you can depend and never worry…………. I know you must follow the sun wherever it leads but remember if you should fall short of your desires remember life holds for you one guarantee you’ll always have me……………… Ain’t no mountain high enough, ain’t no valley low enough, ain’t no river wild enough, to keep me from you”. Diana Ross – Ain’t no mountain enough. Time and memories are far better to give your children than any toy.

For me these words have real meaning because they about doing everything possible to be with the ones you love. For me this is my children and grandchildren. Unconditional love for our children is something that comes and smacks us in the face and instead of hitting back we embrace it and ask for more!

What about when our children grow up and make choices we disagree with? The challenge is how do we as parents’ support the children we love to take a path we know may lead to hurt? The answer is we can’t, what we can do is be there to help put things right. Besides, mistakes are not the end of the world as long as you have the love of your parents. I know, I’ve made my fair share but hasn’t everybody.

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” ― Anne Frank

Gosh, these are wise words of wisdom, from someone so young.

This blog is part of the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

 

“A day without laughter is a day wasted” Charlie Chaplin

My young grandsons and their simple jokes are guaranteed to elicit much laughter. “Grannie, what did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up?” and the answer “someday my prints will come”.

As we grow older and concentrate on family, career, bills, etc, we often forget the simple laughter that came easily to us, as children. We get on that invisible ‘hamster wheel’ of life going round and round!

Is a day without laughter really wasted? Charlie Chaplin thought so, he said it and although he lived his life in front of the camera as one of the greatest comedy actors of all time. Behind the public face he had bouts of depression and periods of sadness.

Should we have different ‘faces’ in our lives and even if the answer is yes, should our ‘public’ and ‘private’ faces be the same? All too often we look to fit the ‘mould’ society sets out for us. For a long time I tried to ‘fit’ and be someone else because I wasn’t happy with what I saw. Society saw a single mother with no hope of achieving anything. I looked at my siblings who’d both got degrees and were professionals, I felt I had to compete.

The words of Reflection by Christina Aguilera sum up my feelings perfectly:

“Look at me you may think you see who I really am but you’ll never know me.  Every day it’s as if I play a part. Now I see if I wear a mask, I can fool the world but I cannot fool my heart. Who is that girl I see, starring straight back at me, when will my reflection show, who I am inside?”

Now I know life isn’t a competition and I’m proud of my siblings and of myself. In way or another we’ve all achieved something.

This reminds me of my grandmother, she had one of the hardest lives growing up in a children’s home in the twenties and thirties. Even though life was hard she retained the ability to laugh and make others laugh too.  When we as a family we introduced secret Santa, there was always guaranteed to be one family member, who would be told what their gift was just as they were opening it! She never quite got the idea of Christmas and keeping ‘secrets’. Till the end of her life, her sense of humour and ability to laugh was one of the qualities, people loved most about her. My Mum described her as a remarkable woman and she certainly was, she could have been sad in life, goodness knows she had plenty of reason to be but she focused on the positive things in her life instead.

So the challenge is to find laughter, humour and positive thoughts in each day because without these it truly is a day wasted. Life is too short and comes with no guarantee and as much as we might like to there is no refund!

This blog is part of the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

 

The challenge of accepting who we are and being the best we can be

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”, the fact is these words really do have an impact on how we feel, even if they’re said by us to others as a way of avoiding being hurt ourselves. Probably one of the biggest and first challenge we face is accepting ourselves. If we don’t fit the required ‘mould’ then our confidence and self-belief can be damaged and this can have a knock on effect, when trying to do our best.

The lyrics of the Whitney Houston song one moment in time include: “Each day I live, I want to be, a day to give, the best of me ……………..….. I broke my heart, fought every gain, to taste the sweet, I face the pain. I rise and fall ………….. Give me one moment in time, when I’m more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me ………………………… You’re a winner for a lifetime, if you seize that one moment in time and make it shine ………

I’ve now come to realize those endless lists, not being a size zero and being a detail person are not negative for me. I’ve come to accept me or as another ‘welshie’ [Shirley] put it, I am who I am, I am my own special creation!

Could the world have handled more than one of me? Now there’s a million pound question!

When one of my daughter’s was small and got frustrated when she didn’t fit in because of her learning disability, we’d liken life to a car journey. I’d tell her that the majority of us spend our lives travelling along life’s motorway, whereas she, was making the same journey but  taking the scenic route. I’d tell her that the route didn’t matter because the destination is the same for us all. What does matter is getting there and being able to say, I gave it my best. This helped her accept who she was and that it was okay to be different.

Everyone has knocks in one way or another, be it our personal or working life. There have been times when I thought life was hopeless and times when I’d lost belief in myself. I felt so low that I thought I’d never bounce back and the reality was I did. It’s dealing with my own knocks and challenges that have enabled me to become a stronger person, one who understands and can empathize with those who are facing these dilemma’s. It’s also what motivates me in my work as a charity Manager, reaching out to help others.

Carrying around regret, animosity or anger changes nothing. It’s best to deal with your issues then draw a line and move on.

The world we live in is constantly changing; sometimes it seems that every day presents us with a new challenge. In the words of the Whitney song above “you’re a winner for a lifetime” and I believe that everyone is.

What we need to do is seize that one moment in our time, make it shine and accept ourselves because when we do it prepares and empowers us for whatever challenges get thrown our way.

Catch!

This blog posting is part of the I AM WOMAN 30 day blog challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

 

“There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind” C. S. Lewis

If only we had a way of knowing what lies ahead? Would we even want to? Maybe it would help us to avoid the things that hurt us? Or maybe it would lead to disappointment? In my life I’ve learnt it’s the ups and downs, the unknown, the surprises and the challenges that make us who we are.

Today through my work, I’ve talked to parents of children with additional needs, who are on their journey into the unknown and uncharted waters of life. It’s reminded me, how every situation differs and how the only common denominator are that there are parents, with more questions than answers. No encyclopaedia Britannica, is going to answer those questions! I know because I’ve walked in their shoes and worn the t-shirt too. Looking back, I’ve lost count of the number of times, I wanted to escape from life with this ‘odd child’ and I’m still trying to find the instruction manual !

It wasn’t all bad though, there have been times of great laughter and humour and it’s the good times, that compensated for the bad. A friend once quoted an unknown author, saying “when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile”. Over the years, it’s occurred to me that conquering Everest or swimming the Channel would have been easier and since I swim like a brick, that would have been something!

Thank goodness, I didn’t listen to the so called experts who’d all written my daughter off, at age seven. Today aged twenty-one we’ve proved them all wrong. We’ve survived, we’re still both breathing, [which is always a good sign]  and together we shout, “NEXT” or “Bring it on”!

I’ve often said that my daughter came into my life to make it exciting and it’s certainly been that!

In the last eleven years I’ve been lucky enough to have helped other parents navigate their own course of life with their unique children. In the words of Diana Ross there, “ain’t no mountain high enough”.  Some would say being on my own journey, I must be mad to do it again and again with others, I thought madness, was a prerequisite!

Life continues to throw challenges to us all and we should meet them all head on because “there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind”.

This blog posting is part of the I AM WOMAN 30 day blog challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

 

Challenges of life – This is your life ! No big red book or Eamonn Andrews round the corner phew !

Life brings highs, lows and challenges. At times it can seem to be a challenge too far. Its when we reach these points we can either throw in the towel or meet the challenge head on. I know there have been many times for one reason or another, I’ve felt like just throwing my hands in the air in despair. I’ve now learned that I don’t have to accept my lot, that I’m worth more and challenges are obstacles can be moved, walked around, jumped over,  knocked down or escaped through an underground tunnel.

As the song in the  Life of Brian says “always look on the bright side of life” and so we should.  However, the next line of this song is “always look on the bright side of death”. Gosh, how do we meet the challenge of considering this one ? None of us likes to think about this but its an inevitable result because no matter what anyone of us achieves or doesn’t the result is the same.

I’m reminded of a conversation with my youngest daughter where out of the blue she says “so Mum let’s get your funeral business sorted!” I was a bit shocked “I’m not going anywhere and neither do I plan to” was my response !

The topic had come up out of the blue because while she was having a study break, she’d tuned into daytime television and the discussion topic was making sure you’re loved ones know your wishes before you leave this world. Now who says daytime TV is rubbish?

Talking about not being here and what it would be like without me was a real challenge for both of us and what could have been a distressing conversation, gave us some of the best laughs we’ve shared. We talked about music, flowers, who might be asked to say a few words – who would want to say a few words, now there was a challenge in itself ! My daughter also told me in great detail all about the tattoo she’s having done to remember me by ! Not sure what I think about that one !

I was telling a friend of mine about the conversation with my daughter and she and her daughter have decided that after her death she’ll be given to medical science. Her daughter says it’s a free funeral and an opportunity to help others and baffle medical science !

I’ve no idea what my daughters will say about me once I am no more, except maybe the’ll say “She met each challenge life threw at her with a desire to overcome”.  I think that pretty much sums up my life so far, a life full of challenges some greater than others but a desire to overcome. The journey to here hasn’t been the easiest but that conversation made me realize, that life is here for a short time and we need to make the most of it, grab it with both hands. In my life this involves my children, grandchildren, family, friends and although I face challenges I’m lucky. 

It also made me think about those who for whatever reason, don’t see life’s challenges in a positive light and those who are vulnerable, those we like to think we give chances to but those as a society we often fail miserably.

For me meeting this challenge is building the lasting legacy, a charity that reaches out to inspire, help, encourage and support those in need. It’s also the reason I trained as an adult educator and why I work within communities.

Life is full of challenges but with each one, we have an opportunity to make it positive, to give to others with a desire to overcome.

This blog posting is part of the I AM WOMAN 30 day blog challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz