“We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already…” -J.K. Rowling

“We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already…”

As I look around it’s clear to see that the countdown to Christmas has begun. Growing up I loved watching the Christmas Films, my all time favourite being A Christmas Carol. I think this film, my family and growing up in Cardiff made me realise at a young age that there are those in need. I’d often be Christmas shopping and we’d pass by someone who was homeless and it affected me. It still does and today I realise and understand even more.

Only recently on a trip home to Cardiff I passed someone homeless. I bought them a coffee and some food. You’d have thought I’d have given them the lottery winnings. However, need does not stay with the those who are homeless. For a huge number of people Christmas isn’t a time of happiness. We all have the power just like Scrooge to change because “we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already …”

Working at HEALS I seem to spend half my time crying or feeling frustrated (especially when I know I could help but am unable due to resources) and the rest happy knowing that in some small way a difference has been made.

A long time ago a wonderful gift arrived that first Christmas, one that gave humanity a yard stick to follow. As we all move towards Christmas let’s think of those who need help, let’s all do what we can no matter how big or small. We can all make a difference and we should remember that Christmas is about reaching out, it’s about sharing and it’s about love and remember no matter how hard things look, “we do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already…”

Merry Christmas to one and all.

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The day in December the world stopped for me

The day in December the world stopped for me. It was 1996, the day was clear, the air was cold and crisp and the sun was shining. The children had gone to school and I was settling down to a cup of tea after the mornings usual getting ready for school mayhem. I was listening to music and was feeling relaxed and happy. The knock at the door changed everything. I opened the door to find my neighbour and friend at the door screaming hysterically. At first I struggled to understand her but then I understood. Was she really telling me that she couldn’t wake up little Ian? Surely, she was wrong? How could you not wake up a three month old baby?

Although I was pregnant and ill, I rushed into the house. I asked where Ian was and she ushered me into the front bedroom. I remember how warm the room was, on the floor was a small carrycot. Ian (wearing a white babygrow) was lying on his right side. I gently picked him up saying “now come on little man wake up Mr Sunshine is smiling” I got no response! Ian’s pupils were large, his eyes rolled and he let out what seemed like one breath then nothing. His left side of his body was purple and pink. He was gone and so I laid him back down in his bed, for a long time this action made me feel guilty. I realise now that in laying him back down, I did nothing wrong.

I went outside and called for help from neighbours, I called the doctor, the ambulance service (who called the Police which is standard practice in any unexplained death) and then I called my husband who worked alongside Ian’s father. I was running on auto pilot, it was like everything was happening to someone else and I was keeping it all together!

Christmas 1996 was a difficult one for us all because of that day in December. What should have been a happy time was one where I relived that day, where I spent most days struggling to comprehend how this could happen to someone so small. Of course what my husband and I were feeling could even come close to what Ian’s parents were going through and much of our time was spent helping and supporting them through their day.

Every year on December 7th, I spend time thinking of that day and remembering. I wonder if there was anything I could have done. I look at my daughter and I am reminded of how old Ian would be and I wonder about the young man he would have become. I didn’t get to say goodbye in February 1997 because of my own ill health, the doctor said no and so I left saying goodbye to my husband and oldest daughter. In May that year I visited Ian’s grave to say my own goodbye and to place a basket of white, red and yellow roses. On that day too the sun was shining.

I will never forget that day in December 1996 and I keep a treasured photo of Ian (a gift from his parents) taken just two days before he passed. Although the years have gone by and other events have happened in my life including the loss of loved ones and friends, that day in December the world stopped for me.