What kind of society are we becoming? Which Scrooge are you?

What kind of society are we becoming? Which Scrooge are you?

Through my work I’m helping and supporting so many people each facing challenges that the rest of us could never imagine. There are those having their benefits reduced because of a DWP mistakes years ago (sometimes more than four years ago). Should anyone be without money because of a mistake beyond their control?

There are those without any money for up to twenty six weeks, those with disabilities that have never been recognised trying to navigate the road that is life made even more difficult because of their disability.
The homeless ex-serviceman, discharged on medical grounds, the parents of a child with a learning disability that no one seems to be listening to! The list goes on and on!

Should anyone today have to live like this today? Have we really learnt nothing? The truth is as a society we’re spoon fed the media version of life and like fools this is what people believe. The reality is lost! Are we immune to really caring? What kind of society are we becoming? Do we only care when we can be publicly seen to care? What’s happened to our sense of being responsibility for one another?

“Look after our own first,” is the cry I often hear! Who do the people saying this think should be doing this? Are they in fact doing it themselves or are these words for others to do it instead? The truth is we should all look out for one another!

“Charity begins at home!” Is this a justification of not to give or do we mean we should look after our neighbours and fellow citizens because they are the nearest?

Through my charity work I’ve out a number of public appeals, which for the most part have been successful however, they’ve also been seen by some as an opportunity to offload junk rather than really help! It’s the reality! For every person publicly helped, there’s ten who aren’t!

This weekend I’ve read about a charity that’s closing due to lack of support and the business support dwindling. We live in difficult times but kindness costs nothing, having a heart costs nothing. We can give our money but we can also give our time too!

One of my favourite Christmas stories is A Christmas Carol where the main character Scrooge changes the person he is in time for Christmas. Do we resemble Scrooge before the change? Are we just self, self, self?

In the words of ‘Scrooge’ in the modern film ‘Scrooged'(based on ‘A Christmas Carol’):

“Christmas Eve is the one night of the year where we act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the year we are the people that we always hoped we’d be. It’s a miracle …..”

“You have to do something, you have to take a chance, you do have to get involved. There are people having trouble making their miracle happen. There are people who don’t have enough to eat, there are people who are cold. You could go out and say hello to these people, you could take them a blanket, make them a sandwich and say oh by the way, here.”

“I get it now and if you give then it can happen, then the miracle can happen to you. It’s not just the poor and hungry its everybody, who’s got to have this miracle and it can happen tonight for all of you, if you believe, then this miracle will happen and you’ll want it to happen everyday ………”

“You’ve just got to want that feeling and if you like it and you want it, you’ll get greedy for it and you’ll want it every day for the rest of your life ….”

What kind of society are we becoming? Which Scrooge are you? Only you the reader can answer this question and only you are responsible for the choices and decisions you make! Christmas is around the corner, use this time to start afresh; be the Scrooge who found a heart and the true meaning of Christmas.

https://www.gofundme.com/healsxmaswinappeal

http://www.healsmalmesbury.com

Can anyone really be isolated? It’s the 21st Century!

Can anyone really be isolated? It’s the 21st Century! According to the dictionary to be isolated is to be: far away from places, buildings or people or minimal contact.

The simple answer is yes! Think of the people you passed on the street, those you stood behind in a queue at the shops, banks or at the bus stop, you’ll probably find at least one feels isolated. It could be the older lady or man living alone, the single parent, those who’ve suffered a crime or Domestic Violence, the families at work struggling to make ends meet or just cover the cost of things, the people who’ve lost a loved one and who are struggling with their grief, those who care for loved ones, those in poverty, those who have no place to call their own, those with disabilities or Autism or who are vulnerable and the servicemen and women who feel lost having left the services due to ill health or having suffered injury serving our country.

These are the people we meet on the street everyday. These are the people we walk past every day, the people we don’t notice, thus reinforcing their feelings of isolation or even worse these are the people who we allow to be bullied, intimidated or treated badly because after all ‘its not our problem’ its their life!

What you probably don’t realise or may have never thought about is one day without warning you could be isolated just like them. Its easy to get a warm fuzzy feeling about putting a tin, packet of pasta or box of breakfast cereal or bottle in a basket. And its easy to feel good that you’ve put your loose change in a charity box. Of course both of these go a long way to help people and because of they do, we should continue to do them because every small thing we do today will help someone tomorrow.

Christmas is fast approaching its the season of goodwill to all. For many it will be a season of happiness, presents, time shared with loved ones, great expense and over indulgence. For others it is yet another reminder of what they don’t have and why they feel isolated.

When you live in a rural community where the cost of living is higher, where public transport does not run regularly, the feeling of isolation is worse! There are reminders of things you want to be involved in but are isolated from. I see this every day and whilst the numbers in comparison to the population might be low, their need is great. Think about them, especially this Christmas. What would you do if you were them? Our lives can change in an instance without warning!

The reality of the modern age is, we can’t help everyone. If can do one small but extra thing this Christmas to make a significant thing you’ll have done something that will help another. If you’re not in a position to help then please support those who are helping by donating, supporting an event, visiting someone you think may be in need or volunteering.

Can anyone really be isolated? It’s the 21st Century! Yes they can but by being the difference you’ll make a difference.

https://www.gofundme.com/healsxmaswinappeal

What would Dickens say today?

What would Dickens say today?

In the last few days my youngest daughter (Alex) and I had the privilege of meeting Matthew in London. Matthew is homeless, he grew up in care, left care at 16, went to college and successfully became a plumber. Matthew felt he’d achieved something, he told us he was proud of who he’d become. He met a young lady and had a daughter. Life seemed perfect for Matthew, life couldn’t get any better! His young daughter became ill and Matthew couldn’t cope with the prospect of this and after his daughter passed away aged 6 years, his partner asked him to leave the family home. She couldn’t deal with her own grief and Matthews too so Matthew found himself homeless, on the streets with no one to support him! He lost the job he’d worked so hard to get and was proud of, he’d lost his daughter and his home! Matthew felt low. He’s contemplated giving up on life but despite everything he wants to prove he can achieve once again.

He told us that two years ago while he was still in grief he had a brief relationship with a homeless girl who had his son. She got off the streets and has a home. She didn’t want Matthew to live with her because he was still not emotionally ready and the authorities wouldn’t let Matthew move with her and so she now brings his son to visit London once a month.

Matthew is desperate for someone to give him a chance. He can’t get a job, claim benefits or register with a GP/Dentist because he has no home! He told us that he doesn’t want to claim benefits, he desperately wants to work! He wants to be someone, a someone who helps others! It struck us that despite what life had thrown at him, here he was wanting to give to others. We admired that strength and courage.

Alex and I took him to somewhere to eat as our guest. The server looked at Matthew and started to say “we don’t serve ….” I stopped her and told her that Matthew was my guest, I was spending my money and she was going to serve me or I would make a scene! I reminded her that Matthew is a person and he deserves the same respect and customer service as any other customer! Needless to say she could tell, I meant it! She continued to stare as did many others but we didn’t care.

Matthew had a drink, a burger and fries. He ate everything including the garnish salad and pickle! I’ve never seen a human devour food like he did, a starving dog but not a human being. Matthew told us very few people were kind to him, even those who give him money don’t speak to him! People walked past every day. It got me thinking about each of us in our daily lives, how many of us walk past people not ever knowing or caring what life is about for them. Have we really become a society that doesn’t care? I’d like to think not!

Matthew told us how well meaning people are giving out items like soap, toothbrushes, food etc. I learnt from him that without a place to go these items although well meaning were useless but that he could sell them for money for food.

Matthew also shared the horror stories of life on the streets. How he’s seen friends die, of the people who encourage the homeless to deal drugs for more money and a place to stay, how people abuse those who are homeless by kicking them or throwing buckets of cold water over them, to listen to Matthew was heart breaking and it was difficult to hold back the tears! He was determined that the drugs people weren’t going to ‘use him’ and to avoid them he moves around! He’d thought about getting a dog because they help keep the homeless warm, they offer companionship and because friends who had dogs were given more money from people passing. Matthew went to Battersea but they said no! Matthew shared how he’d asked local gyms if he could use their showers to wash, even offering to pay, he was turned down! You didn’t need much to realise that Matthew probably hadn’t washed in weeks even months but Alex and I didn’t care.

We gave Matthew food, our small change and most importantly we gave him our time! On these cold nights, I’ve thought about Matthew often and all those whose lives are just like him. We all live on the edge in life and in an instance any one of us could find ourselves facing adversity. Imagine what would happen if each one of us helped someone like Matthew every single day? A word of kindness, companionship, support, these things aren’t big but to someone like Matthew they mean the world.

Matthew would love to get out of London and start afresh but let’s face it, he’s never going to be able to. He’s trapped on a never ending merry go round of poverty and despair! Moved on from tourist places because heaven forbid they see the reality of our country!

Matthew is looking forward to Christmas Eve because then Church Halls and community centres across London open their doors and give the homeless, fresh clothes, bathing facilities, a piece of foam to lay their sleeping bags on, new sleeping bags and clothes if they need it and three hot meals a day. On January 2nd Matthew will be back on the streets, living an unbearable life but hoping that someone, one day will just give him a chance!

Why do I do what I do? Why did I set up HEALS of Malmesbury? To help all those like Matthew, those who struggle, those whose lives are difficult. If there were no HEALS I’d still help when I could. My mother tells me, it’s been who I am all my life!

Both Alex and I left Matthew with tears in our eyes and sadness in our hearts. No one should have to endure this hardship, not in this country in 2016! This is why HEALS exists! You can help by donating your time or money to HEALS or any other charity helping today!

What would Dickens say today? I think he’d be horrified! At least in his day there were places for the poor! These no longer exist and where they do they are over subscribed with people to help! So the next time you walk down the street, think about those you pass. We all live on the edge, in an instance we can be like Matthew, let’s hope unlike Matthew, there’s someone there to help!

http://www.healsmalmesbury.com

When death creates the action that life failed to do!

When death creates the action that life failed to do!

The death of a loved one hits us all hard. I’ve experienced this and I know how much pain it can cause. Why is it then that sometimes in certain circumstances the death of a loved one, spurs some people into action in a way they never did when the person was alive?

If you never in life visited them, helped them, offered them no comfort at their lowest times (no matter how hard it got), even deterring others from offering them help and made awful comments about them, why would you then after death suddenly rally around and be seen to want to help or even then ask others to do it for you? It makes no sense!

Surely its been better to help our loved ones in life, when they need us the most. This of course isn’t always easy. Loved ones struggling will take out their anxieties, frustrations and anger on those they love the most and that has to be the hardest thing for relatives and loved ones to endure. I’ve been there and worn the t-shirt, as have other family members. However, its at the hardest and most difficult times our loved ones need us the most. Our loved ones are ours and we should help and not be absent!

Perhaps death somehow makes people see, understand and is a reminder of what they should have done in life? Its a question that only those involved can answer and if they feel the need to make amends then that’s down to them but should they be asking others to pay for things that perhaps they themselves should and could have done?

For me its about being their for those we love while we still have them because we should love no matter what and unconditionally. Of course loving someone doesn’t mean liking their life choices, their actions or what they say because we don’t but love, real love goes beyond that.

Billy Ocean made a song called ‘When the going gets tough’ and the line says ‘the tough get going’. Well I guess in some cases that’s true and in those cases its sad. So today and everyday, show you care for friends, neighbours but especially for those we are related to, those we should love, no matter what because one day they may not be here and then it’ll be too late for them and too late to put right your actions. Once they’re gone you can’t put things right and asking others to pay for the things you should have done right will not ease your own conscience.

Its strange that in some situations death creates the action that life failed to do!

Every small action today will build a brighter tomorrow.

Every small action today will build a brighter tomorrow.

For a very long while we’ve been aware of the war in Syria and the horrors people face. We’ve seen the growing number of refugees/migrants in Calais and other places for even longer. The world stood by, perhaps we felt helpless, maybe we thought it was their problem, some might have not cared or maybe we buried our heads in the sand hoping someone else would do something. Whatever our view point, little has been done and the problem has escalated and now we are faced with an unimaginable crisis.

Recently we’ve seen scenes on social media and in the papers that have shown things we probably never thought we’d ever see. We’ve seen pictures of a small innocent child smiling with so much hope for the future and that same small child’s lifeless body with all hope gone. My heart goes out to all those who’s lives are so horrendous they are willing to risk their own safety and that of their children in the hope of a better life. We’ve heard about unscrupulous people taking money from these desperate people with the promise that they will take them to safety. These accounts are comparable to stories told by many Jewish people during the 1930’s and 40’s where families paid individuals to take them to safety too so that they could escape the horrors from the Nazis. Just like the stories emerging today, many lost their lives because the money was taken and they were abandoned. The images we’ve seen and the stories we’re hearing, mean that the world is no longer willing to stand by and let these people suffer. They’ve brought the reality home and many are doing the things they can to help.

I’ve heard people say “these people should fight back” would we given the same circumstances? We’d do what they are doing, we’d run to have a chance of living. Would we stay, fight and face certain death? Of course we wouldn’t! Man’s basic instinct is to survive. Others say we should fight but this means committing the lives of our brave service men and women.

Some say don’t help these people, instead we should focus on helping those at home. Some of those saying this won’t help those at home, they’ll use the ‘helping those at home’ argument to justify not helping at all.

For me, what’s happened cannot be changed, it can be learnt by and I hope those in governance and power across the world do learn from this. I doubt they will but hope they will.

As individuals we can all should reach out to those in need be they from home or away. Each and everyone of us must follow our heart and our conscience to do what we can in whatever way we can to help. No matter what everyone will have a ‘view’ on how to solve this crisis.

There are many selfless people going out to Calais and other places to do what they can. Who are we to judge what they are doing? I’ve heard it said that those in Calais are dressed in designer clothes with iPhones! I’ve heard first hand from those ‘processing’ refugees that the reality is those they come across are frightened, dirty, starving individuals who have scabies and lice because of the terrible prolonged conditions they’ve been living in. Perhaps those suggesting otherwise come from the school of thinking that now says the plight of the Jewish people in the second world war was made up! People say this and some believe it! Thank goodness many more know this is complete rubbish! There may be a small minority of people taking advantage of this crisis with iPhones, wearing designer clothes but the majority are people who need our compassion and kindness. Thankfully, there are people doing just that and I’m proud to say I know some of these incredible people.

Is there a definitive answer to this crisis? I’m not sure there is and I know whatever the answer is it will take a huge and combined world effort. My Nan used to say words are meaningless actions speak louder. So make your actions count by supporting those in need at home or away and if you can’t, use your actions to support those who are, in the end we can all only do what we can and give hope to some.

In the words of a Michael Jackson song written for a different plight but nevertheless relevant to this crisis,
“Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race, there are people dying
if you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me …”

Every small action today will build a brighter tomorrow.

http://www.alisoncross-jones.com

Is it fair? ~ Do you care?

Is it fair? Do you care?

The Disability Discrimination Act and the Equality Legislation are there to protect the most vulnerable people and ensure fairness. Why then does it appear that some are falling through the cracks? Why is it that some people with a learning disability and Autism seem to be being penalised for their disability? Some are even having their benefits sanctioned leaving them without an income for long periods of time. Why, because their disability hasn’t been recognised properly or has gone unrecognised.

Life is difficult enough for these individuals. Many are living a life of isolation right under our noses in our communities. Life in the community goes on and they go unnoticed. The consequences can be devastating and some are not here today as a result! How can this be happening in the 21st century in our towns and villages?

What can be done to change this? Getting a diagnosis is a good place to start! However, this is not something provided by the NHS because it’s not a health issue. Learning disability can only be diagnosed by Educational Pyscologists and therefore, it’s an education issue. The cost of an assessment ranges from £500 to £750 per person!

Wear the shoes of someone with a learning disability or Autism. Imagine being given the impossible task of proving your disability, when day to day living is enough of a challenge in itself. All they need is reasonable adjustments made to ensure they get the right daily support, the right benefits, the proper housing support and the best path into work or volunteering!

Where does anyone start? There are so few charities and organisations being able to offer support in getting a diagnosis but HEALS of Malmesbury is one doing just that! Enabling and supporting people to get a diagnosis is important but with numbers of people needing this growing, funds need to grow too in order that some of the most vulnerable get the help to live the best life they can.

“Never believe that a few caring people can change the world. For indeed, that’s all who ever have” Margaret Mead

Are you one of the few who can change the world for those who need help, empowerment and support in our communities today? Ask yourself is it fair? Do you care? If the answer is yes then maybe you can help by making a donation.

http://www.healsmalmesbury.com

Is your mentor in life a ‘Folly’?

Is that an odd question?

A mentor is ‘an experienced and trusted adviser’ someone who’s been there and worn the t-shirt, someone who’s made the mistakes, someone with knowledge.

So why ask the question is your mentor a ‘Folly’?

In architecture, a folly is a building constructed primarily for decoration, or suggests through its appearance some other purpose, or merely appearing to be so extravagant that it transcends the normal range of garden ornaments or the class of building to which it belongs. A ‘folly’ isn’t real! It looks good, it seems good but look behind the façade and there’s pretty much nothing there.

In all areas of our lives you’ll find that you might need a mentor, I know this has been true for me and I’ve been lucky because I’ve learnt lessons from all of them. For the support of a mentor to be successful you need trust, after all you need their help and support and you’re going to be honest with them and in return you’ll want them to be honest. Trust isn’t something that happens overnight, if it does then the relationship is a folly! Trust is built up over a long and sustained period of time. After all, if someone treats others in a way we’re not comfortable, chances are at some point they’ll behave the same way to us. Therefore, none of us should ever make such important life decisions on face value; many do and live to regret it later.

Just because someone says they are who they are or they’ve done what they’ve done doesn’t mean they have. Anyone can say, I’ve done this or I’ve achieved that, the question is can they prove what they say is tangible? Whenever, I work with anyone, I tell them to Google me and I tell them that if they require more evidence then all they need to do is ask and I can provide it.

I’ve been lucky to have some great business mentors and walking alongside others I’ve come to realise that this is one area where it’s vital to have a mentor you trust. Those in business will understand that your business is your life. They are something that’s been built from the foundations up, something that’s been nurtured. Our business is also something where we’ve spent hours getting our structure right, planning, working out our goals and objectives, writing our Business Plans, getting our communication strategy in order – and that’s just the basics and fundamentals!

Nothing in a successful business happens by chance or because you and someone else thought it was a good idea at the time. Business success happens when you love what you do, when you have passion and when you make the fundamentals your priority and ensure that those are firmly in place. We mustn’t forget that just like anything else in life businesses require hard work.

I’ve come across people who seem to have flitted from one business venture to another with none actually being successful. Business like other areas of life can sometimes need trial and error and of course there is no negative in this. However, for a few this behaviour becomes a pattern with them never sticking at anything for too long?

Therefore, having the right mentor/s is important and “leaving things to chance” shouldn’t be an option. After all no-one in their right mind would let someone working on push bikes fix your car! You might let a vet deliver a baby but the vet’s profession is with animals not people, so ensuring that your mentor clearly understands the part they can play is important. Throughout life we will all have different mentors for different tasks and at different times.

Liking someone as a mentor is good too but respecting someone is better! Do you have to like someone to respect them? Do you have to be friends with someone you respect? Quite simply no! Having respect for your mentor is vital, liking them is not. The important thing is to be able to find a way of having a cohesive working relationship with your mentor but this is different from a friendship! You must be able to challenge your mentor and ask them questions and be satisfied with their answer.

I’ve often referred to being in business as a journey. This is true; we start at point A planning a route to get to point M. There are too many businesses that never get to M. Having someone sit with you sharing ideas is doing just that this isn’t mentoring! A good mentor will go further by showing you exactly what you need to do to get there and they may even give you a checklist of steps to help keep you on track. The best mentors will understand that planning is essential The destination you’re aiming for in life is only possible with a clear plan (that takes other factors into account, in case the route needs to change or you encounter an issue ‘on the road’) and hard focused work. Anyone who doesn’t plan and lives by the moment may not be the best mentor! Those we take on our life journey (especially our business journey) shouldn’t be passengers just along for the ride!

When choosing a business mentor be sure that you speak to others and make sure that their influence on that person’s business is tangible and quantifiable. You will need to be able to quantify – make sure you can say – “********* my business mentor is great because they have helped my business/me by …….” then quantify this with something tangible and give examples that demonstrate this. Be 100% sure that your business mentor can talk the talk, do the walk and can prove who they are and what they’ve done!

Above all ensure that your mentor is real and ask yourself is my mentor a ‘Folly’?

“We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already…” -J.K. Rowling

“We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already…”

As I look around it’s clear to see that the countdown to Christmas has begun. Growing up I loved watching the Christmas Films, my all time favourite being A Christmas Carol. I think this film, my family and growing up in Cardiff made me realise at a young age that there are those in need. I’d often be Christmas shopping and we’d pass by someone who was homeless and it affected me. It still does and today I realise and understand even more.

Only recently on a trip home to Cardiff I passed someone homeless. I bought them a coffee and some food. You’d have thought I’d have given them the lottery winnings. However, need does not stay with the those who are homeless. For a huge number of people Christmas isn’t a time of happiness. We all have the power just like Scrooge to change because “we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already …”

Working at HEALS I seem to spend half my time crying or feeling frustrated (especially when I know I could help but am unable due to resources) and the rest happy knowing that in some small way a difference has been made.

A long time ago a wonderful gift arrived that first Christmas, one that gave humanity a yard stick to follow. As we all move towards Christmas let’s think of those who need help, let’s all do what we can no matter how big or small. We can all make a difference and we should remember that Christmas is about reaching out, it’s about sharing and it’s about love and remember no matter how hard things look, “we do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already…”

Merry Christmas to one and all.

http://www.healsmalmesbury.com

http://www.healsuk.co.uk

The day in December the world stopped for me

The day in December the world stopped for me. It was 1996, the day was clear, the air was cold and crisp and the sun was shining. The children had gone to school and I was settling down to a cup of tea after the mornings usual getting ready for school mayhem. I was listening to music and was feeling relaxed and happy. The knock at the door changed everything. I opened the door to find my neighbour and friend at the door screaming hysterically. At first I struggled to understand her but then I understood. Was she really telling me that she couldn’t wake up little Ian? Surely, she was wrong? How could you not wake up a three month old baby?

Although I was pregnant and ill, I rushed into the house. I asked where Ian was and she ushered me into the front bedroom. I remember how warm the room was, on the floor was a small carrycot. Ian (wearing a white babygrow) was lying on his right side. I gently picked him up saying “now come on little man wake up Mr Sunshine is smiling” I got no response! Ian’s pupils were large, his eyes rolled and he let out what seemed like one breath then nothing. His left side of his body was purple and pink. He was gone and so I laid him back down in his bed, for a long time this action made me feel guilty. I realise now that in laying him back down, I did nothing wrong.

I went outside and called for help from neighbours, I called the doctor, the ambulance service (who called the Police which is standard practice in any unexplained death) and then I called my husband who worked alongside Ian’s father. I was running on auto pilot, it was like everything was happening to someone else and I was keeping it all together!

Christmas 1996 was a difficult one for us all because of that day in December. What should have been a happy time was one where I relived that day, where I spent most days struggling to comprehend how this could happen to someone so small. Of course what my husband and I were feeling could even come close to what Ian’s parents were going through and much of our time was spent helping and supporting them through their day.

Every year on December 7th, I spend time thinking of that day and remembering. I wonder if there was anything I could have done. I look at my daughter and I am reminded of how old Ian would be and I wonder about the young man he would have become. I didn’t get to say goodbye in February 1997 because of my own ill health, the doctor said no and so I left saying goodbye to my husband and oldest daughter. In May that year I visited Ian’s grave to say my own goodbye and to place a basket of white, red and yellow roses. On that day too the sun was shining.

I will never forget that day in December 1996 and I keep a treasured photo of Ian (a gift from his parents) taken just two days before he passed. Although the years have gone by and other events have happened in my life including the loss of loved ones and friends, that day in December the world stopped for me.

Those we fail today, we continue to fail time and time again!

Those we fail today, we continue to fail time and time again!

In the course of my work it never ceases to amaze me how we as society have and continue to fail others! We don’t seem to see it or are we choosing not to? On the outside we portray a society that cares, a society that accepts everyone ~ yet I see a different side of the coin!

Let me tell you about Dylan (named changed).

Some time ago I went to the jobcentre with someone I was supporting. On arrival I was aware of Dylan, he was shouting asking for help to fill in a form. Time and time again Dylan went to the desk to ask or help in completing a form so he could apply for money. Time and time again he was told that no-one could help him. Staff told him to go and call the advice line. Dylan tried to explain (in his own unique way) that he’d spent the two hours a day for the past two days on the phone getting nowhere! He wasn’t believed and the Jobcentre staff asked him to leave, the security guard was at the ready too!

What they saw was an angry young man, a nuisance, someone they could do without!

What I saw was someone desperate for help, someone trying to get their message across ~ should I offer my help was a question I didn’t have to answer, I knew already I would! I made a ‘deal’ that once I’d finished what I came to do, I’d sit down and help him with the form. The smile on Dylan’s face and the look of gratefulness in his eyes said everything.

He kept to his word and so did I!

Whilst filling in the form I realised that this wasn’t just a form filling situation, it was about much more.

Dylan was someone who’d been failed his whole life! His learning disability had failed to be recognised at school, except it had been but he had no clear diagnosis (label) and without this he and his family had failed to get the support they needed. Did Dylan’s disability go undiagnosed because of lack of money or was it he was deemed not worth investing in? I realised this was a young man who’s gone through the system failing at every step, thinking it was him when all the time it wasn’t! What cut through me was when Dylan said that dying seemed his best option! I tell you how I didn’t cry there and then! I knew that I had to do everything in my power to change this even if it meant more work, Dylan was far too important!

I stopped the form filling and arranged for him to come and see me as he didn’t have any money himself (because he hadn’t been paid benefits, because he couldn’t fill in the form), I gave him the money from my own pocket.

Since that first meeting I’ve got to know Dylan and what a great young man he is! He has a strong work ethic, he really wants to do something and be somebody. His issues have gone far beyond form filling or his undiagnosed disability, there’s debt, a feeling of worthlessness, the list seemed endless ~ if I felt this was it any wonder he felt as he did?

Overtime we’re putting his life puzzle together, it’s going to take a while and we’re both in it for the long haul but working together, we’ll make the changes we need to ensure that Dylan’s future is much brighter than his past.

At our last meeting Dylan and I cried tears of sorrow and laughter and he told me that he now feels lucky he met me that day because his life is changing, he doesn’t feel alone anymore! He said he now wants to live! That for me means everything and says it all! It’s exactly the reason why I do what I do everyday!

Things could have turned differently that day had Dylan and I not met. It’s likely he’d have been removed from the jobcentre, arrested, his form would have remained uncompleted, he’d have no money and would have continued in the spiral of being failed! Thankfully, we did meet and HEALS is able to help him and failure is now part of Dylan’s past.

Our next huge challenge is to try and get a diagnosis. Unfortunately, because Dylan is an adult, some of the tests he could have had done on the NHS or by experts as a child (under 16)are no longer available and cost. I’ve managed to persuade two of the top UK Specialists to see Dylan for £1,350 instead of their usual £3,000 fee. Of course they’ll be accommodation and travel on cost bringing it to just under £2,000.

He shouldn’t have to pay! I can hear you say. You’re right he shouldn’t but he does because Dylan has been failed and I for one have no intention of failing him anymore. How and where to find the money is my challenge but I face it with passion and determination!

Dylan has so to offer and I plan to give him his dream of being someone and he’s going to help and inspire others and show them that where you start out in life doesn’t determine where we end our journey! And he’ll show them that disability is no obstacle!

Dylan is just one example, I’m helping more like him everyday, all needing assessments costing between £350 and £1,500 each and everyone just as deserving.

Those we fail today, we continue to fail time and time again ~ except on my watch!

If you would like to help please donate via: http://localgiving.com/charity/healsmalmesbury

Name has been changed to protect identity.

http://www.alisoncross-jones.com