The juggling plates !!!

Do you ever have those moments or days when you just seem to be juggling doing loads of different things? Do you ever get those moments or days when just as you complete one task thinking that’s it you find that you’re asked to do something else? Funnily enough just recently I’ve felt just like that !!

Being Manager of a charity means meeting so many different tasks and deadlines and when I say different, I mean different !! Of course the stereotypical saying would be “women are used to multitasking” the honest truth is managing is the same for everyone and Managers everywhere, like me are juggling many plates. My Nan used to say “it’s better to be busy it keeps you from getting into trouble“.

“Oh Nan, keeping busy seems to get me into more trouble these days !!!” Mind you trouble these days usually means challenging those who are just not helping and supporting those they should or having to deal with the Green Gremlins [those who are jealous] and there are a few. However, as I’ve often said I am Marmite so what else can I expect !!

Running a home and family single alone as a single parent also requires a lot of multitasking too. You no sooner finish one job that you find something else needs your attention. I’ve achieved that with success, so I’m probably well prepared for the road ahead.

I guess thinking of it this way, the job of Manager at Heals suits me !! Would I change it? Never! I can honestly say that I have the best job in the world and the best bit is knowing and seeing others grow and achieve.

It’s all systems go at the moment for Heals. We’re working hard to get our new National Charity launched, then there’s the work on putting the finishing touches to our four core projects, organizing our stalls at Petticoat Lane, for Malmesbury Carnival and our Balloon Race to launch Will’s Friends in September. This means so much not only to all of us at heals but to Will’s family and those we can help, encourage and support through it. We want this to change lives for the better.

What other plates am I and the team juggling? The new logo designs for Heals and our strategic projects, the governance work. I mustn’t forget our music night with The Accused, who are coming up from Weston to support us and raise money for Heals and Will’s Friends and finally some top secret stuff.  It’s certainly a lot of plates but success at the end will be worth it all.

So what does success look like? For me its two fold, its about having a charity people want to connect with, support, work with, volunteer for and its also about changing lives for those in need in the community and its “aspiring to make a difference and be the difference” both within the team and the community. It’s a tall order but I have a fabulous team, great experts, good support nationally and locally and the belief that we can do this and pull out something amazing.

So for my next trick as Manager of Heals ……………..

 

 

All I can say about life is … enjoy it!

Reach for the positives everyday because there will always be some. Negatives are positives turned inside out so we just have to find a way to turn them the right way around.

Is this easy? Of course not, especially on days where everything seems to go wrong or daily life and issues  get you down. Everything in life requires work and the more we put in the more we get out. I was reminded of this today when I read the press releases about HEALS Will’s Friends Project and the realization that out of real tragedy comes hope and an opportunity to change lives for the better. It’s days like these that I know I’m enjoying life.

I’m finding that being positive and being clear about direction is leading to opportunities I never imagined and its helping me grow personally and professionally. After all, if you don’t know where you’re going or have a clear vision about what success looks like for you, how do you know when you’ve got there?

For us at HEALS this has been the one question we’ve struggled to answer. For us our direction, who we are and what’s our purpose has been a real challenge. At first it was about raising awareness that we even existed! Now its about building on the foundation and setting the strategic direction for the future. Being the Manager of a great charity is so rewarding and unlike many jobs, its something I love but its certainly not always plain sailing, it can be hectic! However, our four strategic projects will bring help, encouragement and support to so many people and knowing this drives me and the team forward. It goes without saying knowing this helps us enjoy life and we hope that those who gain from our work can and will enjoy their lives too .

We are looking to our future positively and have taken the 7 P’s seriously. What’s the 7 P’s? It’s ” Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance” and we approach everything we do in this way. A few days ago someone said “have you taken your eye off the ball cos you haven’t had any events for ages” of course we haven’t but then the foundation and groundwork is something that often goes unnoticed or with little interest but it’s needed if you want your organisation to stand the test of time.

So face each day with a positive thought and end each day with a positive reflection and you’ll be able to say, I enjoy life.

Walking in my shoes!

What does this mean? In the business club I belong to [I Am Woman] every franchise launch starts with a ‘Walking in my shoes’ evening, where women in business come and share their own story. Why? In sharing their own story, others in the room can be inspired but more importantly it’s so others can learn from their journey.

I’ve certainly learnt that the one thing they all have in common is the fact that they’ve had challenges to overcome. Maybe their first business ideas failed, perhaps it was external factors like recession or business costs, it might be what’s been written or said about them that’s knocked them or something else. What they all seem to have in common is the drive to make their vision a reality and success.

Working with those in times of need is about understanding, listening and importantly being able to ‘walk in their shoes’. It’s about helping them understand that negatives in life are just ‘positives turned inside out’ and by turning them back, we can transform those negatives into great positives. We can all learn something from someone else’s journey.

Before we form an opinion about others, let’s remember we’ve all had challenges and issues to overcome and we all have the ability to move forward positively. We also have the ability to do something for others. Whenever I take my own children home to Wales we see people homeless and living on the streets. I remember a couple of years ago seeing a young man in despair. I took my girls to the local shop and burger bar where we bought him two cups of hot tea, two burgers and some other food and water for later. When we gave it to him, he took my hand looked me in the eye and said thank you. I will never forget the way he said it or the look in his eyes. I apologized I couldn’t do more, I wish I could have. At the time I was feeling at a low point in my own life, I learnt from the experience that day that I had so many positives to be thankful for. I hope I showed that young man that kindness exists.

My friend likens life to a game of pontoon because life is as much about the ‘card we are dealt’ and how we ‘play’ that card. She says that we must believe life offers so much more. Some things in life we can control and some we can’t. The most powerful thing we can control is ourselves, so as long as we’re true and honest with ourselves, this is what we will radiate to others.

It’s important to be able to at least try and understand the shoes of those we meet, help, encourage and support and it’s important to learn from each of our own challenges because then we can truly begin to make a difference.

Finding your USP what’s it all about?

What does USP mean? USP or Unique Selling Point is about what makes what we do different. After all its a tough world out there with competition around every corner. I often hear people involved in charity, voluntary and community work saying “but USP doesn’t apply to me because I’m not selling anything!” Of course they’re selling, they’re selling themselves and what they do and let’s face it, in the charity, voluntary and community sectors, its tough!

Our starting point is the knowledge that people ‘buy’ from people and so the USP is two fold. It’s about the personal USP and that of the organisation. If you don’t get both right from the beginning, then you’re on an uphill climb before you start!

My own personal USP is being able to empathize with those I come across in my work with HEALS and the ability to understand their needs. Don’t get me wrong there are lots of competent professionals out there who do an excellent job but are qualifications alone enough. For me of course you need the professionals but you also need people on the ground too with real life experience, people who understand the issues and those with a genuine passion to help others, those who’s motivation is seeing others succeed and that’s me. So my USP is being able to motivate people, help take them on their personal journey and realize their potential and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

One thing that drives me mad is when people are ‘pigeon holed’ into ‘boxes’ or the often ‘blanket’ policies we see. When will we recognize that not everyone is the same and even if two people are sharing and facing a similar issue, the impact of that issue will be different on each of them. Therefore, the help, encouragement and support for each will need to be different but no the ‘blanket’ approach kicks in and although it might help, I’m just not sure its enough.

So what is HEALS USP? The answer is simple, at HEALS we embrace diversity and we understand that ‘one size does not fit everyone’ so we use different ways to help, encourage and support those who need our help, in the community. We pride ourselves on doing our best to give everyone individualized support. We recognize that professional input is essential in helping us and those we work with and so we work in partnership because we believe that the principles and practices of shared commitment between partners benefits everyone.

So what does HEALS actually do? Examples of what we’ve done successfully is our HELPING HANDS Project are we’ve helped individuals and families with financial assistance, we’ve helped with getting targeted support and advice, improving IT skills, helped purchase books for study, plus lots more. Through our community magazine [also called Helping Hands] we’ve been able to directly and indirectly help people get advice, support, goods they need and we’ve had positive feedback from our partners too. We are looking to extend this project because we’ve already recognized that the changes being implemented by Government are going to mean that more ways to help, encourage and support are going to be needed.

Okay, I hear you say but what really makes HEALS unique? HEALS is not about doing something to somebody, neither is it about taking over and it certainly isn’t about throwing money at people. HEALS is about extending an arm, it’s about reaching out, listening, helping those in need decide on their priorities and it’s about walking with them for as long as they want. HEALS is also about being creative is important too because no two similar issues can be dealt with in the same way.

Essentially, HEALS is about helping, encouraging and supporting people to help themselves!

 

Giving yourself a voice!

As babies we’re encouraged to talk, then as children we’re told to be quiet  when we ask questions. As teenagers we’re encouraged to begin to have an opinion and then we’re told what we think doesn’t matter because we have to do as we are told. How is it then that we ever ‘fly’? How do we master the art of communication and getting our message across? How do we find our voice?

I spent much of my childhood talking, my teenage years ignoring my parents and have continued to be able to talk the hind legs off any donkey! So I can talk but does that mean I can communicate my message in the business and charity world? Communication is about so much more than the spoken word and in the times we live in, people want you to get your message across instantly. The pace of the world today is fast!

In business, I’ve heard people talk about brand or branding and of course it’s important because our ‘brand’ is probably the one thing people see before they even meet us. However, no matter what our business is whether it be a sole trader, entrepreneur, corporate or charity, the bottom line is we are our brand! If people buy or engage with us in what we do, they do so because they know us and trust us. Ask any successful person and they’ll tell you that this is true. Trust is important, our partners, clients, employees, volunteers and the community at large needs to know that they can trust us to be good to our word and deliver!

I’m finding getting my message across in my new professional website challenging. If I Include everything I’ve ever done it’ll end up with pages and pages and is anyone really going to look? Besides, I can’t hide even if I wanted to because my life is there on Google, for all to see! So I have to put myself in the shoes of the individuals who are likely to take a look and make sure the right message gets out there. A message that will show them I’m the person they need to work with.

At HEALS we’ve struggled with getting our message out there to attract partners, funding, supporters, individuals to help, volunteers, Trustees and of course people to come along to our events. The signs are looking good and we’ve had a lot of interest from around the UK about our work. Many of those inquiring about what we do, are those who see that our ‘model’ works and want to develop this. However, it’s not always easy getting an organisation off the ground. In just two years, we’ve been able to have a significant impact, which our awards demonstrate. So clearly, the HEALS approach is going “where no organisation has gone before.”

 

If at first you don’t succeed try and try again!

If at first you don’t succeed try and try again!

We’ve all heard this and it’s true. If we think of all the successful people we know, what do they have in common? The answer is they weren’t afraid to try new things. Not everything they did has been successful but it didn’t stop them.

Do we encourage or discourage ourselves and others? I know when I entered the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge,  I told myself I couldn’t blog. I remember thinking and remembering trying to write at school, it was never my strong point! Technology isn’t my strong point either and I’ve never blogged before. Surprisingly, I’ve come to enjoy like my blogs and it seems others enjoy reading them too!

All too often we think we can’t do anything or that whatever we want to do, won’t succeed. What we need to do is tell ourselves that we have to try. If it fails we learn from it, try again, do something different or do something else!

How much more difficult must it be for those with a hidden disability? Over the last fifteen years I’ve sat in rooms listening to experts predict the life of the person with the disability and I’ve observed how it all veers towards the negative. I’ve felt like jumping up and down saying “for goodness sake they do understand they have limits but give us some bloody positive news!” Writing people off has only made me more determined to help them to prove those ‘experts’ wrong! All those years of being a defiant adolescent have finally paid off!

Society always seems to focus on failure rather than what is possible. When people become successful, what happens? There’s someone trying to knock them down! Honestly, sometimes I could scream!

Those with tenacity and determination survive and those without it need to look for those who do, to help them. Everyone has the capacity to have success and we all have the ability to reach out and help others. Obstacles in our lives can be overcome, they can be climbed over, moved, we can side step around them, dug under or we can just knock them down with a bulldozer – in my charity work that’s me!

I remember a mum I supported, she had a number of things to contend with including her own disability and more than one child with a disability. Every ‘professional’ involved with her kept ‘helping’ by telling her constantly what she was doing wrong and giving her leaflet after leaflet!! As if all this was going to help? The poor woman was overwhelmed. My approach was to listen, it seemed no one had tried that idea! We looked at everything and we broke things down into ‘bite sized chunks’. Strangely enough she made more progress in three months than in a whole year with everyone else. All it took was a listening ear, help, encouragement and support. Imagine what would happen if this was the approach all the time?

So if you want to try something, just do it because even from failure we learn and in learning we grow and in growing leads to success. Maybe not the first time, the sixth time but achievement and success will come.

This blog was written as part of the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

The challenge of trust!

Trust is something earned, this was the message I got, growing up!

How do we learn to trust and what do we do when trust is broken? I’ve had times when I’ve said “that’s it I’m not trusting anyone anymore!” the reality is I do.

Can we and should we trust everyone? What about the people who say one thing and do another? What about those who are negative towards us or others? What about those people who pretend to be someone they’re not?

For me openness in communication is a must in building trust. If I can’t do something I’ll say but I’ll also try to find someone who can. This has not only helped build trust with others but it’s also gone towards building my working network. Another key factor for me in building trust is acting always with integrity and honesty and that begins with ourselves. If we say we’re going to do something we should follow through and if we make a promise we should keep it! If we try to be someone other than who we truly are, we get found out! I’ve observed people who say they have experience and then you quickly find out that they can’t! In these situations trust is broken. Can we ever trust anyone who breaks a trust? This may be possible in time but it’s much harder to trust someone where the trust has been broken.

In business trust is vital because people buy from people. We all like to think that people buy our product or our service and yes obviously people will buy what we might be offering, if they need it but why should they buy from us rather than someone else? They buy because they trust us.

What about people with a hidden agenda? Talking to an old friend recently they told me about a lady they’d known. She was involved in volunteering work with my friend. However, the enthusiasm soon waned and she gave up to pursue other interests and work. A few years later, my friend was introduced to this lady through work again and as before the lady said she was interested in working in collaboration on a project with my friend. After a few short episodes of dipping  in and out,  she eventually told my friend that she had decided that she was well and truly out, it was all too much for her. She was quite insistent that she no longer wished to be involved. Less than a year later she is eager for their paths to cross again and has been eagerly messaging my friend. Can this person ever be trusted?  Does she have a hidden agenda?

Why is it people seem to drift along in life, going from one thing to another, without ever committing to anything? Can they be trusted? Perhaps the answer lies in helping them find out who they are, accepting who they are and understanding the contribution they can make?

In my charity work at HEALS people trust you to deliver the help, encouragement and support they need. Looking after other people and putting their interests before your own is not easy for everyone. Of course the jealous green goblin sometimes comes out, especially when people envy what you do. In these circumstances, one must stay on the right path because it’s only honesty that wins the day.

Trust is a part of life and not ever being able to trust anyone leads to unhappiness on many fronts so clearly trust it’s important. How will you build trust in you and what you do?

This blog was written as part of the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

Personal relationships Did the fairy stories get it wrong!

Growing up like many children, I read the fairy stories and had them read to me. The Princess meets the handsome Prince and they live happily ever after! Then I grew up and found out that wasn’t true, did the fairy stories get it wrong! Did this have more to do with me or was it that I was just unlucky.

After my divorce I went away and took time out for a while. It was during this time I had a chance to look back over my life. I realized that for a long time I’d been on a relationship roundabout, going round and round! The end of marriage threw me off with one almighty thud! I’d hit rock bottom in life and the only way was up! Had I been unlucky in love all my life? Was it my fault? Was the breakdown of my marriage my fault? The answer was yes. Okay, I didn’t set up any affairs but I chose someone who like me, had their own issues to deal with. Two people dealing with their own issues and then having to deal with issues together, is bound to result in something giving, for me that was my marriage. I look back now and although I accept the reasons why things happened, it doesn’t mean that I agree with the actions. The ability to forgive, draw a line and move on has helped me.

We all attract like people, so if someone is confident and happy they will attract someone who is confident and happy. If someone is troubled then you’ll attract someone who’s also troubled. It’s a pattern I’ve observed often in the last sixteen years. There have been times when I’ve been able to predict the outcome of friends relationships but friends have chosen not to listen, to their cost! People with ‘baggage’ who then come together only have more baggage! It’s like going on holiday with one suitcase and then coming back dragging six through customs, they might questions why you have so many bags on your return trip. So why choose more bags in a relationship? Is this right?

Someone said to me recently that this is “just what people do, they divert from dealing with their own issues and  they deal with the issues of others”. Does this mean they believe they can save the other person. This reminds me of the phrase “you can lead a horse but you can’t make it drink it”. We do not have the power to change others but we do have the capacity to help, encourage and support one another.

We’ve all heard that we must ‘get our own house in order!’ What does this mean in relationships? I think the best way to think about it is through this analogy:

You want to wallpaper a wall, you find cracks and blemishes. What do you do? Do you just wallpaper over the cracks or do you go out buy filler and spend time filling them all in.  If you wallpaper over the cracks, in time they reappear and you’re redecorating again and more likely this time there’s more problems! If you fill in the cracks you have a smooth surface and it’s likely that it’ll be much longer before you need to wallpaper, unless you choose to.

So how does this relate to our relationships? Too often I see people jumping from one relationship to another, never giving themselves time out to repair their cracks. What they don’t see is they are building each of their relationships on sand or shallow foundations. Any building like any relationship needs a firm and solid foundation, otherwise ‘there may be trouble ahead!’ No moonlight, roses, love and romance!

I’ve observed that sometimes having a partner is like an accessory, the thinking seems to be “my friend has one so I’ve got to have one!”Then they wonder why it fails or falls apart! People in this position seem to think that having a partner is going to make them happy. Expecting someone else to make you happy, is setting them up to fail!  The foundation is failure and building on failure can we only expect disaster! My Nan used to say same rubbish different person! Well not exactly in those words! She was right!

I asked my Nan once what were the ingredients to a successful relationship she said: Friendship, Attraction, Shared interests, Humour and Patience. However, she warned just having the ingredients does not produce a successful cake. Getting a cake right takes lots of work and practice.

After my divorce I decided to take time out and concentrate on myself and my children. Sixteen years later I’m happy and proud to have been on my own. Who knows what will happen in the future, I may find that certain someone and maybe I won’t but whatever happens, I’m happy!

This blog was written as part of the I Am Woman blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

Friendship

                                                                                           “Friends are the family we choose” this phrase is true. Today I may know lots of people but my true friends are much smaller in number and those are the people who, like my family, are the ones that I cherish and value.

Growing up making friends was never my strongest point although my mum noted, that I always seemed to want to be friends with children, from even poorer families than us or those no-one else wanted to be friends with!

I don’t know why making friends was difficult, I could communicate with adults perfectly well! I did have some friends but friendships never seemed to last. I think deep down I was eager to be liked, maybe I was too eager back then. I thought that being liked and that having lots of ‘friends’ would make me happy.

In later years I’ve come to realize that being true to yourself and being myself has brought me real friends and lasting friendships. True friends are those who accept us warts and all! Along life’s path I’ve learned that there will always be those who want to use you for what or who you know and we never seem to spot it until it’s too late and we’ve been had!

I look around and observe people with ‘false’ friendships! People seem to form friendships after five minutes, ‘live in one another’s pockets’ and boast about having lots of friends. I’ve learned that  quantity is far less important than quality It seems that for some you know people for five minutes and suddenly  and feel lucky for my true friends.  

Friendships can be unlikely. My friend Jan was one of those friends. To the outside world we were unlikeliest of friends! She was the wife of a successful business man and I was the poor single mother. What could we possibly have in common? The fact is we shared many things, we both had a similar sense of humour and some interests which included art music, our faith and we were both Mum’s. We both trusted one another and often put the world to rights over a cup of tea or glass of wine. Jan was there through all the struggles with the Education Authority and she was there on the phone on my days of despair! “I’m not sure I’m helping” she would say or “I wish I could do more!”. What Jan never realized was that just being there and having someone I could trust was enough. Jan passed away a few years ago and I still think of her often.

I’ve shared so much laughter and tears with my friends Tina and Diane over the last twenty years. We may not see one another every day since I emigrated …… to England from Wales! but we’re still there for each other.

As I write this blog, I think of all my friends, those who I trust and care about. Their number may not be large but they are truly amazing people and my life is blessed because they are part of it.

What makes for a good friendship? Simply it’s honesty [with others and yourself], trust, acceptance, shared interests and a listening ear. Fake people are quickly found out! Friendship is to be valued. I miss the friends who are no longer here,  it’s amazing how we leave lasting footprints on the lives of those we are friends with.

This blog has been written as part of the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz

Marmite Life !!!

I happen to like marmite, in fact growing up I remember my Mum always had a jar in the cupboard. My Nan used to say that it was an acquired taste because you either loved it or hated it.

I guess in a way I’m like marmite! People either like me or they don’t! Does it matter if they don’t? Not at all, we can’t like everybody and neither can we be friends with everyone even though some people pretend otherwise and those ‘fake’ people get found out sooner or later!

Imagine how boring the world would be without the ‘marmite’ people in it?

It seems that whatever I’ve done or not done I was meant to think about how others think! Did it matter what others think? The truthful answer is yes but only to some degree and only in some situations. Everyone develops an opinion about everybody and of course everybody is allowed their opinion, its how they use their opinion that counts. If it’s used in a negative way it can become totally destructive to others and it certainly makes no one any happier!

In later years I’ve come to realize that being me makes me far happier than trying to please everyone else. No matter how hard you try there’s always going to be someone wanting to knock you down, criticize or have an opinion! Being true to yourself, acceptance and learning to love yourself is probably one of the hardest lessons we learn and keep learning. Even now there are times when my lack of confidence floats to the surface and in these times those near to me remind me to be me. They obviously like marmite too!

For every person who takes issue there are loads more who seem to like marmite and in most instances it says more about them than it does about me. In thinking this way I’ve come to feel sorry for those who want to knock others down because their lives are filled with sadness.

So my view is that this my life! I’m marmite if you like me great and if not, remember that variety is more interesting! And I’m a limited edition!

This blog was written as part of the I Am Woman 30 day blogging challenge.

http://www.iamwoman.biz